Sometimes the Heart has to Hurt

Today was an interesting day full of stress and realizations. I had my own personal drama this morning and I didn't get the outcome that I had expected. And I didn't behave the way that I had intended. The lesson I take away from that is, "You win some, you lose some" and that's okay. It's not the end of the world. And I was surprised at my own behavior in the situation, but I guess that we can't always control ourselves the way we plan in high emotional settings. Especially when you cannot control the unknown circumstances that you face. Going into battle being fully prepared and having a big gun, but not knowing if their gun is bigger. So, you do your best and move on. Can't dwell in that place.

Also, I found out that a friend of mine could be facing something pretty serious dealing with his health. This comes at a shock to me, but oddly enough, it crossed my mind a few days ago that what if something happened to this person, how would it change my life. And sometimes I feel that God drops those little things in my spirit, almost as preparation for what's to come. I don't always pick up on it at the time, but am trying to be more sensitive to those little still voices that I hear sometimes. My way of dealing with this day is to realize that God is bigger than all of these issues and that I trust him above and beyond all. He is our creator. I trust him and his will. More than I trust my own. And although I may not live a perfect life, I do pray that God will order my steps for I know that he knows better than I do. I want to go in the direction that he has planned for my life. I know that when things look bad for me today, it could be that I don't understand how it all comes together in the end....but I know that God can see the big picture. I am writing freely tonight from my heart and I don't even think anyone reads this. But it helps to clear my head and write down my thoughts...idk....if someone does read this, maybe you can relate. I thank God for the things in my life that I do have and that it's not worse. That I am blessed even when it feels like things arent going my way. Things may seem bad sometimes, but God hasn't left me and he is able to do all things. Greater is HE that's in me than HE that's in the world. God give me strength and peace. Help me to take care of what you trust to me with. Good night for now.